As I continued on down the road peering at the opaque view through my windshield, it made me think of a not so distant past, when I felt in and surrounded by storms and the torrential downpours and devastation that came with them. I didn't know how I was going to make it through or when it was going to end. I just knew I had to keep going.
We arrived to the pediatrician's office and I parked my car. In that moment the automatic window shield wipers stopped and I looked out through my side window to witness the sun peering through the dark clouds, directly onto the parking lot I was in. The rain had stopped and the worries were gone in an instant. That moment of clearing made me stop and thank God for the small orchestrated moments of comfort like this and also for the momentous, miraculous wonders He's blessed my life with.
I then looked into the rear view mirror and caught the sweet smile on our baby boy's face in the backseat, as he looked up at me. In that moment I didn't just gaze upon him as simply my child. There's a story to him and each one of our children. A miraculous story...of God's mercy and faithfulness to us.
You see, there was a day when I thought I'd never bear a child of my own. The words spoken by my doctor crushed me to the core. I can still feel myself in that place, sitting in the chair in the office, hearing those words spoken from her mouth. I cried out in desperation and was cast into the deepest valley I had ever known.
My husband and I struggled through many storms to get to where we are today. Ours happened to be with infertility. We met while I was in college and I remember telling him that I'd go on a date with him but nothing serious because my studies came first. I was and still am a very goal-oriented person, somewhat of a perfectionist one might say. But lucky for me, he was a patient man, and still is. He was not like most guys and it intrigued me. His quirkiness and love for thinking outside the box was pure attraction. He kept me always wondering what what we would do or where we would go next. I knew our life together was going to be an exciting adventure and I was passionate about our future.
We had the most beautiful wedding, down to every tiny detail, nothing was missed. We worked hard to make it as such and it was truly a magical start to our now 13 year marriage. Looking back at our first few years of marriage it seemed so blissful, as cliché as that may sound. We had flourishing careers, we traveled the world, we had done everything together and shared some experiences that some could only dream of. But there was a point after all of the wanderlust that I knew it was time. It was time to expand upon our love between each other and have children of our own to love and to hold. My lifelong dream was to become a mother. It was a dream far greater than my dreams of higher education, career, or travels. The epitome of a family I had always pictured was a little blonde boy and a little blonde girl to be sweet siblings to each other. Never did I realize that the beautiful dream I had would become the most daunting undertaking and experience I could have ever imagined...
Both my husband and myself had undergone several surgeries and technological advancement procedures in medicine and had put our trust in our physicians and the divine physician, Jesus, for years, who ultimately gave us the miraculous life of our precious son, now six years old. I don't for a second take that for granted. His young life is an invaluable gift to us. This week I will attend his chapel at school where he's earned the student of the week for being "always on task and a good friend to all" according to his teacher. I'm proud to be there and even more proud to be called his "mom."
I then thought about our sweet little girl, now four years old, that was just twirling and showing me her best ballerina dance moves this morning before school. Her smile is infectious and she's filled with profound joy and a sweet, tender spirit. She melts my heart...every last piece. When I had suffered multiple miscarriages after several Invitro-fertilization attempts, we were told that was it. Our chances of having a second child were fading. I was crushed...broken. It was literally the darkest time in my life. My dream of a sweet beautiful daughter had drifted far far away from me. But I trusted God, even when I didn't understand. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And He proved to me that nothing was impossible. The following year He gave us our precious girl...naturally conceived, against ALL odds. Our second astounding miracle.
And now...looking back at this sweet baby boy in my rear view mirror, I think how God continues to shock and amaze me with his miracles.
It was over a year ago when I wasn't feeling well. I was light headed and nauseous every day, really feeling terrible. My husband teased that I was pregnant, but we both knew the odds of that alone, and now even more so since he had a vasectomy over 3 years ago after our daughter was born. He told me to go see my doctor and maybe there was an issue I was having and should get checked out.
But...there was no issue, it was in fact, our 3rd amazing miracle!
Our doctors were stunned again, but even more so than before. We both went back for testing and they said, 'we can't believe it, your surgery had reversed itself, which is rare, but there is still no way you should have ever gotten pregnant naturally. The data and numbers show that no way this could have happened, it's impossible! Only a miracle could explain this!'
God did the most amazing miracles in our life that even I didn't expect to ever happen. Only He can do the impossible. He gives us hope when no one else can. Realize that God doesn't spare us trials, but He is there to help us through them, even when we feel alone. Never give up! Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get a rainbow, one of God's promises that puts a smile on my face when I see it in the sky. The rain may be heavy, the clouds may be dark, but keep looking up and try to find that tiny glimpse of sun peering through the clouds. Know that God is always with you, you are never alone. For that promise, I will be forever "soul grateful."